You Might Just Be a Brain in Space
A deeply unserious guide to a very serious existential crisis
Part of the growing Ritual North archive of cosmic spirals
Explore more →
I. Welcome to the Void
Let’s play a game.
You wake up.
You’re floating in space.
But somehow… you can breathe.
There’s no ship. No stars. No Earth.
Just you. Alone. Hovering in the void like a lost balloon with self-esteem issues.
You remember your name.
You remember your family.
You remember watching TV last night and burning your toast this morning and saying something a bit too sharp in a meeting.
You’re real. You’re thinking. You’re you.
Except you’re also… not anywhere.
And no one else seems to exist.
What do you trust more — your memories or your surroundings?
Now imagine this:
Your brain just appeared, fully formed, with fake memories, in the middle of empty space.
You’re hallucinating your entire life.
And you’ll disappear in about 0.0001 seconds.
That is the Boltzmann Brain problem.
It’s not a stoner thought.
It’s not a Black Mirror pitch.
It’s a real, peer-reviewed physics theory that says:
You are probably not real.
You are probably just a brain.
In space.
Having one last very vivid thought before dissolving.
And no, I’m not joking.
II. What Is a Boltzmann Brain?
A Boltzmann Brain is a theoretical brain, one that pops into existence all on its own.
No body.
No universe.
No backstory.
Just a fully conscious thought-organ, drifting alone in space like it missed the last train to the party.
It comes preloaded with:
- A full set of memories
- Emotions
- A sense of self
- Possibly the memory of toast
It thinks it’s real.
It’s not.
It’s just blinking through one final hallucination before vanishing forever.
This whole mess originates from Ludwig Boltzmann, the moustachioed physicist, entropy expert, and destroyer of psychological peace.
His question:
“If the universe tends toward disorder, how did order ever form?”
His answer:
By chance. Given infinite time, tiny islands of order pop into existence.
And the smaller the structure, the more likely it is to appear.
Which means:
A single brain is way more likely than a whole universe.
III. The Math That Ruins Everything
In an infinite universe full of randomness, anything that can happen will eventually happen.
- A rock forms? Sure.
- A toaster? Weird, but yes.
- A single, fully-conscious brain? Absolutely.
The odds of you evolving across billions of years with consistent physics are much worse than the odds of you just randomly appearing in a single cosmic fart.
It’s like the vending machine of reality.
- Full universe? £100M.
- One fake brain with memories? £2.99.
And we all got the cheap option.
The memory of your life might be one final flicker in a dissolving bubble of hallucinated thought.
IV. The Simulation Twist
Now let’s ask:
“What if you’re code instead of meat?”
Same difference.
Whether you’re a neuron-fluke or a software process in some post-human Minecraft server, it all comes down to the same thing:
- You think you’re alive.
- You remember things.
- You feel stuff.
- But it’s all part of the dream.
And maybe you’re the only dreamer.
A trillion Boltzmann Brains could exist simultaneously, each in their own solitary illusion.
None aware of the others.
Each convinced it’s the only real consciousness in a world that doesn’t actually exist.
V. Other Versions of the Nightmare
There’s more.
- Solipsism: Only your mind exists.
- Brain in a Vat: You’re goo in a lab, wired to a simulation.
- Last Thursdayism: Everything, including your memories, was created last week.
- Descartes’ Evil Demon: You’re being deceived by a cosmic troll.
- The Matrix: Same idea, more trench coats.
All lead to the same conclusion:
There’s no way to prove anything outside your mind is real.
VI. How Would You Know You’re Real?
Let’s test it:
- Look around? Could be a hallucination.
- Ask someone? They’re part of the script.
- Use science? Your brain is the experiment.
- Do something random? The dream adapts.
Every method of verification collapses into one conclusion:
“Seems real. But could be fake.”
You’re a detective trapped in your own mind, and the only suspect is yourself.
VII. What If Everyone Is a Boltzmann Brain?
Worse thought: what if everyone is one?
A trillion isolated minds, each hallucinating a version of Earth, love, breakfast, politics, and regret.
Each alone.
No connection.
No shared memory.
No true relationships.
You think you have kids?
They’re a preloaded storyline.
You think your dog loves you?
Your neurons made him wag.
It’s not just loneliness.
It’s existential solipsism at scale.
VIII. Counterarguments (a.k.a. Physicists Screaming into the Void)
Physicists hate this idea and have tried to bury it:
- It’s bad philosophy — brains need context
- We’d notice glitches — reality would be inconsistent
- The universe might end before this happens
- Infinity math is nonsense anyway
But none of them can fully disprove it.
So the possibility lingers.
Unfalsifiable.
Uncomfortable.
Unshakable.
IX. But Also: Who Cares?
Let’s say it’s true.
Let’s say you’re fake.
This post is fake.
Your life is a final flicker in a dissolving brain that never had a body.
Even so…
You’re feeling something right now.
And feeling matters.
Dreams feel real.
Love feels real.
Grief, joy, humour, toast — they’re all real inside the bubble.
A fake life with real feelings is still a life.
X. Final Thought: The Flicker Still Counts
Let’s zoom all the way out.
Maybe the physicists are right.
Maybe you’re just a floating hallucination in a dark void.
Maybe your whole life was a 0.000001-second brain burp.
A memory-shaped fart in the entropy fog.
Okay.
But here's the thing:
You still felt it.
You still thought, “Wait, what if I’m not real?”
You still kept reading.
You still spiralled.
You still got halfway through a coffee and now it’s cold and you’re questioning toast.
That happened.
It feels like it happened.
Which, for a brain, is the same thing.
So what do we do with that?
Nothing, probably.
The void isn’t waiting for closure.
But if this is your only moment?
Your one flicker before dissolving back into nothing?
Then it wasn’t nothing.
It was a thought.
And that thought had you in it.
So go ahead:
- Butter the toast
- Say the ridiculous thing
- Tell someone you hallucinated them fondly
- Scream into the cosmic spreadsheet
Because even if you’re fake…
The flicker still counts.
End of file. Brain deleted.
