Where Is Everybody? (A Social Survival Field Guide)

The Great Disappearing Act

Open your group chat.

Scroll back. Keep going.

You’ll see the ghosts:

• The mate who used to send memes at 1AM
• The dad who replied with 7-minute voice notes
• The guy who always said “next week?” and meant never

And now?

Silence.

Occasional likes. A thumbs up here. A fire emoji there. But no one’s really there anymore. It’s like shouting into a canyon and getting back your own “lol.”

So we ask the only question that makes sense:

Where is everybody?

This isn’t a rant. It’s a field guide.
A map of the social galaxy we used to live in, and the eerie silence that’s crept in since.

The Male Social Universe

Let’s start with the obvious:

Men don’t have a great track record when it comes to staying connected. We form intense bonds early, school, uni, work. But somewhere in the chaos of careers, fatherhood, and DIY, we disappear.

Not dramatically. Not all at once.
Just a slow fade. Like turning the volume down on your own life.

According to studies:

• 1 in 5 men say they have no close friends.
• Male friendship peaks in the early 20s, then falls off a cliff.
• The number of middle-aged men reporting deep emotional connection is lower than ever.

We used to have fires. Now we have feed.

The Math of Disconnection

Let’s do a rough Drake Equation for friendship:

F = P × T × R × S

Where:

• P = People you could be close to
• T = Time actually spent together
• R = Ratio of conversations that aren’t about sports, work, or toast
• S = Shared vulnerability (the actual closeness juice)

Now:

• P is shrinking (everyone moved)
• T is wrecked (kids, work, commuting)
• R is near zero (emotional topics = "aye, not bad mate")
• S is non-existent unless someone dies or gets divorced

F ≈ 0

So yeah. Where is everybody? Probably in their kitchen, tired, scrolling through your photo but not messaging.

The Great Social Filter

Borrowed from astronomy, but more useful in WhatsApp.

The Great Filter is the idea that somewhere between being born and becoming a fully-formed, emotionally available adult, most men fail to maintain connection.

And the question is: Where exactly does that failure happen?

• Marriage? That’s when the invites start thinning.