The Octopus Tries to Love
The Decision-Making Octopus, Part III
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Love is simple.
Unless you’re you. In which case, it’s a complicated, high-stakes emotional obstacle course guarded by an insecure octopus with a dodgy wiring diagram and commitment issues.
This is what happens when someone tries to love you, and the Octopus panics.
How the Octopus Reacts to Affection
Imagine someone walks up and says:
“I see you. I care about you. You’re safe here.”
That’s a nice thing, right?
Here’s how the Octopus processes it:
- Wounded Kid Tentacle: “You’re lying.”
- Ghost Tentacle: “We’ve heard this before. Remember how that ended?”
- Perfectionist Tentacle: “They’ll change their mind when they see who you really are.”
- Guilt Tentacle: “You don’t deserve this. You haven’t earned it.”
- Fuck-It Tentacle: “Shut it down. Run.”
This happens in 0.2 seconds.
On the outside, you might just shrug or say “thanks.”
Inside, it’s a full-blown tentacle riot.
The Performance of Being Fine
The Octopus learns early that being loved feels conditional - on being funny, useful, clever, calm. So it builds a mask:
Look competent. Be helpful. Never need anything too much.
It treats love like a job you can get fired from.
So when someone loves you for just being present - not for what you do - it doesn’t compute. It feels like a trap. Or a test. Or a trick.
Which is how you end up smiling while feeling hollow, and apologising when someone hugs you too long.
How the Octopus Loves (Badly, But Sincerely)
Despite all this, the Octopus still tries.
It just does it... weirdly.
Instead of saying “I love you,” it:
- Fixes the broken thing in your house
- Sends you memes that are weirdly accurate
- Cuts toast into triangles because you like that
- Sits beside you in silence because it knows words would ruin it
It’s not eloquent. It’s not smooth.
But it means it.
This is how you know the Octopus cares:
It stays.
Even when it wants to bolt. Even when it’s twitching.
Even when it feels like a burden.
The Octopus vs. Intimacy
Real intimacy isn’t about grand gestures.
It’s about staying in the room emotionally when every part of you wants to disappear.
The Octopus hates this.
It prefers:
- Sarcasm
- Distraction
- Logic
- Quiet, invisible panic
- “I’m fine”
Because real intimacy means being seen. And if you’re seen, you can be rejected. And if you’re rejected, that confirms the story the Ghost Tentacle has been narrating for years.
So the Octopus flinches. Pulls back.
And then - regrets it.
What Loving You Feels Like (From the Inside)
If someone loves you, and you’re built like this, it can feel like:
- Pressure
- Exposure
- Suspicion
- Obligation
- Quiet joy you don’t trust
You want to receive it. But part of you is watching the exits.
And sometimes, just for a moment, you let it in. You let yourself feel soft.
And then the Octopus slams the door and screams “TOO MUCH!”
But you'll try again.
Part III of the Decision-Making Octopus series
Read the full Octopus series →
Next up: The Octopus in Charge →
